CA Trip w/family

It was a great treat to go to CA with my wife and kids! Our main reason for going was to visit my parents and brothers and it was a good visit. Here are a few of the things about the trip that stick out to me:

- People drive differently on the 405 in LA (and much of CA) than they do on I-75 in Flint.

- Our friends, the Thorntons, are in a unique situation and it is fun to watch them in it, better than TV.

- My dad is doing very well with his cancer (his oncologist called it a 'semi-miracle') and it seems to be good for everyone. He's been able to get out and about, cut back on some meds, and resume some of his painting projects.

- Our kids were pretty well-behaved, enjoyed the different cultures they entered and the different kids that they met. (Shout out to Wes, the In-n-Out Burger guy!)

- SF is so unique that it's really cool and weird at the same time.

- CA is a big state.

- Standing on the sand reminds me that the ocean is BIG and I am small.

- Much has changed in the areas where I grew up. Things I remember about those childhood days are confined to a very, very small geographical area when compared to the size of the greater Sacramento area.

This post doesn't do justice to the miles we covered and the sights we saw and the people we visited. But the best thing about the trip was being able to do it together. In one sense we do life together every single day but this was different and very enjoyable. I love my family and thank Him for allowing us to do this trip, and life, together.

the Max Dream

In the altered words of Martin Luther King, Jr. - "I had a dream!"

Yesterday I had a migraine. When I sense one coming on, my first strategy is to sleep it off. Many times that works for me and yesterday was not much different in that regard. I slept and when I awoke it was still there but not at full throttle. Knowing of others with much more severe migraine issues, I am glad to have something that works for me.

Anyway, as I was sleeping I had a terrible dream. I was talking with my son in his 9-year old state, but we were in a 'museum' from which he could not leave. That's because he was dead. The wounds on his head were from a golf club, some kind of iron/wedge by the looks of it. Apparently he had been killed by a violent idiot who had struck him in the head. First, a single killing blow on one side and then some blows, for effect, on the other side. And it was rather strange that we could talk while I was alive and he was dead. And he couldn't leave because he was actually on display. Apparently, the event was newsworthy in a sick tourist kind of way.

What bothered me most was the twisted ability to connect with my son but not being able to really connect with my son. No hugging. No high fives or fist bumps. No playing soccer or basketball. Just talking at odd (after business) hours. Not being able to leave together. He had to remain in his designated spot and I could only speak with him. That's such a big departure from our normal relationship that it bothers me even now as I recall those dream-world constraints. We are two physical guys. We wrestle. We smell each other (if you think that's weird you're ok, so does the rest of our family!). We play sports, tease and punch. We often 'wruggle' (a combo of wrestling and snuggling) at the end of a day.

Even though a wacky, migraine-induced dream prompted this, I'm so glad for the relationship we have. It's hard to think of it being different. Yet some day in some ways it will be that way; we will be limited in how and when we connect. [hopefully, his head won't be bashed in by a golf club.] Thank you Max for loving me even though I've got lots to learn about being a father. Thank you God for my son; thank you for our sweet relationship.

CA Trip #1

I was in CA for four days and four nights. The occassion was my dad's health, Stage 4 melanoma that has spread to his lungs.

It was good to visit my family and some old friends. One visit of note was seeing my dad's half-sister Judy; it had been 17 years. My brother and I picked her up on our way from Los Gatos to Sacramento. She's an original! But talking with her about her father (Harold. also my dad's dad.) and the whole family dynamic back then was really enlightening. I have never been one to be too curious about our family tree but this was a room that had never been opened.

Harold was quite an artist in the area of photography. He hobknobbed with respected area artists of the time and owned his own studio for awhile. His mother was a control freak and strongly disliked Judy. Whatever his relationship with my dad's mom (Regina), at some point it was completely shut down. That's why my dad was adopted by the lady known to me as Gramma Holmes. Strangely enough, Harold seemed to be a kind man and the harshness in shutting out Regina was either a dark and hidden contrast or the result of his mother's influence.
Learning about Harold gave me some insight into my father, and even myself. It is interesting how physical and character traits are passed on from one generation to the next.

Back to Aunt Judy. She and I won't agree on some moral or political issues but I appreciate some things about her. She's frank. And in a world of cover-ups and appearances that's refreshing. She's a hard worker. [several aspects of the newspaper biz, real estate agent, cattle nurse, librarian] She cares about animals like my oldest daughter does. She cares about people close to her. She really likes my dad. I don't know how things will go for her over the next 17 years but I do hope that things take a turn for the better. She's a unique lady and I like her.